False Boobies...

I hope you can help me.

I have not been dressing long but I need some boobs. Could you please give me some ideas to create some false boobs until I can afford some false ones?

A TV suggested bird-seed in a stocking and another TV told me water in balloons, or wallpaper paste in balloons - but have you any better ideas for me?

Thanks, Louise xxxx

Agony Aunt Kate replies:

Hi Louise,

Personally, I would not advocate gel or water-filled boobs, bird-seed, sweetcorn and the like. Wallpaper paste, now there is a really off-the-wall idea (or should that be on-the-wall). Would that be one size fits all? Size, get it? Never mind.

The main dangers in wearing these, come from leakages or aerial attack from pigeons. Gel, water or oil-filled boobs might have an authentic bounce, but they are seldom, if ever sensibly sized or shaped and can be uncomfortable and weighty to the point of giving you back-ache.

Our hosts at BirchPlace.com are bringing out a whole new range of affordable TV tailored clothing and accessories in the next few weeks, which will include a range of hand-washable boobs in circular and half-elliptical shapes of various sizes. They come complete with nipples and are covered in a flesh-coloured fabric. I know they are good, because their chief tailoress made me the prototypes to my own specs before BirchPlace decided to adopt them as one of their range.

In the meantime, invest in a bagful of marbles and roll up some pairs of thick socks.

Kisses
Aunty Kate
xxxx